| Lessons from the Teepee Turn-around
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| | the result was resentment, defensiveness,
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| There is an old expression, which may
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| | and discontent in our relationship. It
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| sound trite, but I believe it is true,
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| | was not a good thing!
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| "People that play together, stay
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| | Ten Tips to play together and stay
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| together." A couple (by marriage or some
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| | together:
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| other agreement) can increase their
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| | 1. Plan a ten-minute meeting. You may
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| chance of remaining a positive statistic,
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| | need to mark it in your planner. I'm
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| by creating a habit of engaging in fun
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| | serious here. Unless you schedule it,
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| activities together. These can be
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| | you may not do it.
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| planned or spontaneous. When you have
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| | 2. Find a comfortable place to discuss
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| fun together, it creates positive
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| | fun things, away from the phone, friends,
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| memories, which act as seeds for a long,
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| | or kids.
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| playful relationship.
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| | 3. Brainstorm all of the fun things that
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| Carol operates a Bed & Breakfast and
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| | you would like to do together. Yes, that
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| Country Vacation business. Through this,
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| | says "together," not me today and you
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| we have the opportunity to meet and learn
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| | tomorrow. If you list forty ways and
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| about people from far and wide.
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| | places to have sex - that is fun, but it
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| The Teepee Turn-around
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| | is just one thing.
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| Last summer John and Audrey arranged to
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| | 4. Prioritize three things that you will
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| stay with us, away from their Edmonton,
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| | do in the next week. These don't need to
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| Alberta home. They were both in their
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| | be majestic events, although they can be.
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| seventies, and had fond memories of time
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| | It could be a romantic dinner, spa day,
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| spent on farms when they were children.
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| | movie night, card game, or a walk in
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| They thought it was time to revisit a
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| | nature holding hands. Use your
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| farm and create some new fun memories.
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| | imagination and make them as wild and
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| They arrived in mid afternoon, well ahead
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| | crazy, or as tame and relaxing as you
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| of when we expected them. I was
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| | wish.
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| repairing a fence, some distance from the
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| | 5. Schedule these fun activities (dates
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| yard and they did not see me as I
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| | and times) in your planner if necessary.
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| approached. I stopped to watch "the
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| | These are agreements that you both commit
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| game."
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| | to uphold.
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| Audrey jumped out of the car and headed
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| | 6. Schedule another meeting next week to
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| straight for the house. John went the
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| | explore and plan the next week's fun
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| other direction to a large teepee we have
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| | activities.
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| in our yard.
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| | 7. Keep your agreements, regardless of
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| "Audrey, Audrey, come here. Look at
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| | the other "stuff" in life. A failure to
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| this." John was pointing into the
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| | follow-through on these agreements sends
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| teepee.
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| | a powerful underlying message to your
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| "We better check-in first, John."
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| | mate about the importance of your
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| "No, come over here. It will just take a
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| | relationship.
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| moment."
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| | 8. If an unforeseen, uncontrollable
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| "OK. Look at what?" She said
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| | "something" occurs that would hold you
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| begrudgingly as she peered into the
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| | from your commitment, renegotiate another
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| teepee.
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| | time to which you both agree. Do not
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| "Go in and I'll show you."
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| | cancel the activity.
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| Audrey crouched and stepped into the
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| | 9. Continue this process for four weeks.
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| teepee. John reached over and pinched
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| | You are creating a new habit.
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| her butt.
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| | 10. Celebrate your accomplishment in a
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| "Oh John!" she said with a giggle as she
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| | fun way. The celebration keeps you
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| stood up quickly inside. John jumped
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| | motivated. Choose one of the fun things
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| through the doorway and chased Audrey
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| | you like to do together, but with the
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| around the inside of the teepee, both of
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| | intention that it is a reward for your
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| them laughing and giggling as if they
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| | commitment to your relationship.
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| were young children.
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| | Yeah, I know. Some of you are thinking,
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| John and Audrey had been together for
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| | "This is too structured." "It will take
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| over 50 years and I expect they will be
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| | away from the fun." "It won't leave room
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| together for many more years. While
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| | for spontaneity."
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| they were with us, they played
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| | The point is this. Likely, you are not
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| horseshoes, bocci, and ping-pong
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| | doing the fun things together now. Or if
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| together. We shared stories, joked, and
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| | you are, you are not consciously
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| laughed. They slept in the teepee to
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| | recognizing them as such. Am I correct?
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| experience something new. They had
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| | Consciously commit to these Ten Tips and
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| perma-grins. It was a very good thing!
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| | I guarantee that you will experience more
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| I remember when we were first married, we
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| | fun and love in your relationship.
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| knew that play was important too. I
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| | Spontaneous fun will occur more often.
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| played hockey two or three nights a week,
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| | You will approach each day with an
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| and Carol played volleyball and
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| | uplifted attitude.
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| racquetball two or three nights a week.
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| | There is always room for more happiness
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| It was good exercise and sociability for
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| | in my life. How about you?
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| both of us, but not with each other. And
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